How Childhood Trauma Creates a Stuck Inner Child, and Why That Inner Child Becomes Volatile Later in Life
Healing the inner child is not just emotional work, it is an act of profound self love. It is giving yourself the childhood you never had.
Gowher Bhat
Childhood is supposed to be a season of safety, affection, and gentle guidance, yet for many children it becomes a time marked by fear, unpredictability, or emotional neglect. When trauma strikes a young mind, it disrupts the natural rhythm of development. The child does not simply grow past the pain. Instead, the emotions freeze, the wounds settle deep within the subconscious, and a part of the child remains stuck at the age when the trauma occurred. Psychologists call this the inner child, the part of our emotional world shaped by our earliest experiences, and when that child remains unhealed, adulthood becomes a landscape of confusion, emotional intensity, and volatility.
Trauma in childhood is not always dramatic. Sometimes it is quiet, subtle, and invisible. A child who never felt heard begins to doubt their worth. A child who felt unsafe begins to fear the world. A child who faced harsh words or unpredictable parenting learns to stay alert even when no danger exists. These early emotional patterns solidify into lifelong responses. The body remembers. The nervous system remembers. And even if the conscious mind forgets, the child within continues to react.
American psychologist Dr. Bruce Perry explains that childhood trauma alters the developing brain, shaping how a person thinks, feels, and responds to stress. He notes that when children experience fear repeatedly, their brain becomes wired for survival instead of growth. Indian child psychologist Dr. Smriti Uppal shares a similar view. She often says that children who grow up feeling emotionally unsafe develop protective behaviors that seem irrational in adulthood, but make perfect sense when viewed through the lens of early experiences.
When a child cannot express their pain, they silently store it. Over time, the wound becomes a blueprint for how they see themselves and how they believe the world works. If the trauma is not addressed, the emotional self gets stuck, and the person grows physically but not emotionally. This is why an adult may have the responsibilities of a grown person, but the emotional reactions of a frightened child.
A stuck inner child carries unmet needs, such as the need to feel accepted, protected, valued, and loved. These needs do not disappear with age. Instead, the adult learns to hide them behind achievement, perfectionism, anger, withdrawal, or people pleasing. But suppressed emotions are like seeds planted in the dark. They do not die. They wait. And when triggered, they rise with intensity.
This is where volatility enters the picture. An unhealed inner child becomes reactive because it has been ignored for too long. When someone raises their voice, the adult may feel overwhelming fear or anger, not because of the present situation, but because the inner child remembers the past. A minor disagreement may feel like abandonment. A small criticism may feel like rejection. A moment of stress may feel like danger. The adult seems to overreact, but the truth is that the reaction belongs to the child within.
Dr. Nicole LePera, an American psychologist, describes this as emotional time travel. A person may appear to be standing in the present moment, yet emotionally they have travelled back to a painful memory from childhood. Indian trauma therapist Dr. Sameer Parikh explains it simply, children who were not emotionally soothed learn to soothe themselves through anger or withdrawal as adults.
The inner child becomes volatile not because it is broken, but because it has been unprotected for too long. That volatility is a signal, a voice calling from deep within, asking for attention. It is the emotional equivalent of a child crying for help. And like any child, it cries louder when ignored.
To understand this, we must look at how the brain processes trauma. When a child experiences fear or neglect, the brain stores these moments in emotional memory. This memory does not use words. It uses sensations, reactions, and instincts. When the adult encounters something that resembles the old wound, the body reacts first. The heart races. The breathing changes. The thoughts get clouded. The mind switches to survival mode. The person may lash out, or they may freeze. They may cry over something small, or they may go silent. The reaction is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of a wound that has not yet been healed.
One of the saddest consequences of childhood trauma is that many people grow up believing something is wrong with them. They feel ashamed of their reactions, confused by their emotions, and guilty for their volatility. But as psychologists repeatedly emphasize, emotional reactions are not personal failures. They are learned responses, shaped by circumstances beyond the child’s control.
Healing begins when a person understands that their inner child is not an enemy, but a part of them that needs care. Instead of suppressing the feelings, they must acknowledge them. Instead of rejecting their younger self, they must extend compassion. This is the beginning of reparenting, a process where the adult becomes the supportive, kind, and nurturing figure they never had in childhood.
American psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel notes that healing happens when a person integrates their emotional past with their present understanding. He says that the inner child becomes less reactive when it feels seen and soothed. Indian psychologist Dr. Shelja Sen adds that emotional healing begins with gentle awareness, not harsh judgment.
Practices like journaling, trauma informed therapy, inner child work, breathing exercises, and guided reflection help individuals reconnect with the younger version of themselves. When they say to their inner child, I understand why you are hurting, or You deserved love, or You are safe now, the emotional walls begin to soften. Slowly, the child within learns to trust the adult self. And when trust begins, volatility decreases.
Healing is not a quick process. It unfolds slowly, the same way childhood unfolded. The inner child must be met with patience, consistency, and kindness. There will be moments when the old wounds return, moments when emotions rise suddenly, and moments when the past feels too close. But each time a person stays present with their feelings instead of running from them, they break a small piece of the old cycle.
The beauty of healing is that the inner child does not disappear. It transforms. The same child who once reacted in fear begins to respond with curiosity. The same child who felt abandoned begins to feel supported. The same child who felt unsafe begins to relax. And the adult becomes emotionally stronger, more stable, and more compassionate.
A volatile inner child does not need punishment, it needs understanding. Volatility is not a flaw, it is a message. It is the heart asking for attention. It is the past asking to be healed. And when healing finally begins, the person discovers that beneath the pain lies immense strength, tenderness, and resilience.
Childhood trauma may shape a person, but it does not define them. The inner child may have been hurt, but it can be healed. And when healing happens, the adult finally becomes whole. They stop living in survival mode and begin living in peace. They stop reacting with fear and begin responding with clarity. They stop carrying old wounds and begin creating new possibilities.
Healing the inner child is not just emotional work, it is an act of profound self love. It is giving yourself the childhood you never had. It is teaching yourself that you are worthy of compassion, worthy of safety, and worthy of peace. And once the inner child feels held, the adult becomes free.
(STRAIGHT TALK COMMUNICATIONS EXCLUSIVE. The author is a published author of both fiction and non-fiction, a columnist, freelance journalist, book reviewer and educator from Kashmir)
