FRIDAY SERMON: FREE HAND — “Silent Negligence”
Islam does not teach negligence—it teaches responsibility, balance, and guidance.
Mohammad younis Bhat( Zahid)
In the modern age, one of the most dangerous yet unnoticed mistakes parents are making is quietly withdrawing from their responsibilities under the attractive label of giving children “Free Hand.” On the surface, it appears to be freedom, trust, and love. In reality, however, it is a form of silent negligence that gradually weakens a child’s personality, seriousness, moral grounding, and spiritual direction.
In Islam, children are not merely a source of joy or pride; they are an amanah (trust) from Allah. Every trust comes with accountability. Handing children over to modern distractions and assuming that non-interference is good parenting is not wisdom—it is negligence disguised as kindness.
Parental Responsibility in the Light of the Qur’an
Allah Almighty commands in the Qur’an:
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.”
(Surah At-Tahrim: 6)
This verse clearly establishes that parental responsibility is not limited to food, clothing, and education. It includes moral protection, spiritual guidance, and character development. Parents who abandon supervision under the name of freedom are, in fact, ignoring a direct Qur’anic command.
Prophetic Guidance on Guardianship
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
“Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be questioned about his flock.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)
Guardianship is not merely physical care; it includes monitoring attitudes, habits, behavior, and direction in life. Giving unlimited freedom without guidance is not guardianship—it is escape from responsibility.
In another hadith, the Prophet ﷺ said:
“No father gives his child a better gift than good character.”
(Tirmidhi)
Good character does not mean manners alone; it includes discipline, accountability, patience, responsibility, and moral awareness.
The Misconception of “Free Hand”
Many parents today believe that not questioning children, not setting boundaries, and accepting everything they do is a sign of trust. In truth, trust without supervision turns into negligence.
When children are given:
Mobile phones
Unrestricted internet access
Social media
Complete privacy
Unmonitored friendships
without guidance, the result is not freedom but directionlessness.
Practical Consequences of Silent Negligence
Silent negligence does not show immediate damage, but its effects gradually surface:
Mobile phones frequently switched off
Avoidance of calls and messages
Hiding conversations and deleting chats
Emotional distance from parents
Excessive influence of peers and social media
Initially, these behaviors appear harmless or enjoyable, but over time they lead to lack of seriousness, loss of purpose, and escape from responsibility. Ultimately, the positive outcome from such upbringing becomes nearly zero.
Lack of Seriousness — The Real Crisis
Today’s youth do not suffer from lack of talent; they suffer from lack of seriousness.
Seriousness develops when:
Accountability exists
Time is valued
Right and wrong are clearly defined
When parents themselves prioritize comfort and convenience, handing children over to screens, they lose the moral authority to demand responsibility from them.
Balance Between Freedom and Supervision
Islam does not oppose freedom, but it strongly rejects uncontrolled freedom. The Prophet ﷺ loved children, trusted them, and empowered them—but he also corrected, guided, and held them accountable.
The balance between freedom and supervision is the foundation of successful parenting.
Practical Guidelines and Suggestions for Parents
1. Demand Character, Not Just Grades
Many parents focus only on academic success while ignoring moral development.
Remember: Success without character is dangerous.
2. Protect Innocence
Ensure that a child’s innocence is not stolen prematurely.
Wrong company, excessive screen exposure, and unchecked freedom destroy innocence before its time.
3. Observe Behavior and Attitude
A child’s tone, reactions, and manner of speaking reflect upbringing.
Advice alone is not enough—be a living example.
4. Prepare Them for Leadership
Do not raise followers only.
Teach children decision-making, courage, and standing for truth so they grow into responsible leaders.
5. Teach the Value of Time
Make children understand that time is a trust from Allah and they will be questioned about how they used it.
6. Learning by Doing
Do not raise children who only listen.
Raise children who learn through action, responsibility, and experience.
7. Self-Reliance and Sense of Duty
Train children to do every small and big task themselves—inside and outside the home.
Make them realize that doing their own work is their duty, not a favor.
Additional Critical and Transformational Points
8. Teach Them to Accept Their Mistakes
Train children to admit their mistakes.
Accepting one’s fault is not weakness; it is strength.
Only those who acknowledge mistakes truly grow.
9. Always Be Ready for Self-Accountability
Teach children to ask themselves:
“What did I do right? What did I do wrong?”
This habit of self-accountability prepares them for accountability before Allah.
10. Explain the Reason Behind Restrictions
When you tell children “Do not do this” or “Do not do that,”
also explain why.
Understanding the reason builds awareness, not blind obedience.
11. Teach Them to Listen to Criticism Patiently
Make children understand that criticism is not hatred.
Criticism works like soap—it cleans life and character.
12. Warn Them About Half-Listeners
Educate children that some people:
Listen halfway
Understand partially
And spread the message in a distorted, doubled form
Staying cautious of such people is wisdom.
13. Parents Must Practice What They Preach
Children do not follow instructions; they follow examples.
If parents lie, lose temper, or act irresponsibly, advice becomes meaningless.
14. Parenting with Du‘a
Training alone is not enough—supplication is essential.
The Qur’anic supplication says:
“Our Lord! Grant us comfort of the eyes from our spouses and our children.”
(Surah Al-Furqan: 74)
Childhood training shapes an entire lifetime.
Children do not need expensive gadgets; they need time, attention, love, and guidance.
Teach them faith, truthfulness, respect for elders, and compassion for the young.
A righteous child will become a light in your grave tomorrow.
Train them not only with words but with your character and conduct.
Because if you do not give them time, someone else will—and they will shape them according to their own values.
Remember:
Trust without supervision is not upbringing; it is silent negligence.
And Islam does not teach negligence—it teaches responsibility, balance, and guidance.
And Allah knows best
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