What We Learn From Children
Perhaps we do not always need to teach children another lesson. Sometimes we need to listen to the lesson they are already giving us.
Gowher Bhat
We spend years teaching children how to live. We teach them how to speak, how to behave and how to understand the world around them. We correct their mistakes and answer their questions. We worry about their education and think about their future. Yet, while we are busy preparing children for life, we sometimes forget that they can teach us something about life too.
The first lesson may be curiosity. Children do not easily accept that something is simply the way it is. They want to know why. They ask questions about people, places and things that adults hardly notice anymore. Their questions can sometimes seem repetitive, but behind them is a genuine desire to understand. Growing older can make us more certain, but it can also make us less curious. We begin to accept familiar answers without looking for better ones.
Children also show us the value of being honest about what we feel. They may not always have the words to explain an emotion, but they often make it clear when something has affected them. The American Academy of Pediatrics says that helping children recognise and understand their emotions is an important part of healthy mental and emotional development. Adults can learn from this without becoming childish. We often hide sadness, fear or disappointment because we believe that strength means keeping everything inside. Sometimes it simply means being honest about what is happening within us.
Another lesson comes from the way children depend on relationships. A child does not need a perfect adult. A child needs someone who is present, responsive and dependable. The Harvard Center on the Developing Child has identified stable and supportive relationships with caring adults as a major protective factor in building resilience. This reminds us that strength is not always something we develop alone. The people who stand beside us can become part of our strength.
Children also remind us that asking for help is natural. When they do not understand something, they ask. When they cannot manage something, they look for assistance. When they are frightened, they move towards someone they trust. Adults often become more complicated about this. We may remain silent because we fear being judged. We may struggle alone because we think asking for help will make us look incapable. Children show us that needing another person is not a failure. It is part of being human.
They can also change the way we look at people. A child may know nothing about someone’s salary, profession or social position. What matters more may be whether that person is kind, patient or welcoming. Adults often notice status before character. We ask what someone does before asking what kind of person they are. Children can remind us that a person’s value is not always visible in a title or a bank balance. It is often visible in everyday behaviour.
Then there is the lesson children give us about mistakes. A child learning something new will not get everything right the first time. There may be hesitation, failure and another attempt. Adults can become much less comfortable with mistakes because we attach them to our reputation. We worry about what others will think. We sometimes forget that mistakes are part of learning, not proof that learning has failed.
Children also make us examine our own example. We tell them to be respectful, but they notice when adults are rude. We tell them to remain calm, but they notice when we lose our temper. We tell them to be honest, but they notice when our actions do not match our words. UNICEF’s guidance on positive parenting stresses the importance of communication, affection, constructive discipline and the way adults interact with children. A child does not learn only from a lecture. Much of the lesson is already being given through what adults do every day.
This is why children can quietly expose our contradictions. We may tell them that everyone deserves respect while treating some people differently because of their position. We may ask them to apologise while allowing our own pride to prevent us from saying sorry. We may expect patience from them while becoming impatient ourselves. Raising a child can therefore become a mirror for the adult. It shows us not only what we want the child to become, but also what we ourselves need to improve.
Children can also teach us to notice what adults overlook. We are often occupied with deadlines, bills, responsibilities and plans. A child can become interested in something that seems completely ordinary. A sound from outside. A change in the weather. Something seen on the way home. Adults may call these small things. For a child, they can be worth stopping for. That difference in attention reminds us that a meaningful life is not made only from major events.
Another lesson is humility. Children know that there are many things they do not understand, and they are usually willing to say so. Adults can find that much harder. We sometimes pretend to know because we fear looking uninformed. But knowledge begins with admitting its absence. Saying “I don’t know” can be more honest than giving an answer we do not believe.
Children can also make us reconsider how quickly we judge others. They may notice that someone is sad before they know the reason. They may ask why a person is alone before deciding that the person deserves to be alone. Their first response can sometimes be a question rather than a judgement. Adults, with all our experience, can still benefit from that pause. We do not always know what another person is carrying.
Their questions about fairness can be equally powerful. A child may ask why someone has been excluded or why two people are being treated differently. Adults often have long explanations for such situations. But a child’s question can bring us back to something basic. Is this fair? We may not always have a simple answer, but the question itself can be valuable.
Perhaps that is what children give us most. They make us look again.
They make us question what has become ordinary. They make us examine our emotions instead of always hiding them. They remind us that relationships matter, that mistakes do not define us and that asking for help is not shameful. They also make us look at our own behaviour and ask whether our actions match the values we teach.
Growing older gives us experience, but experience alone does not guarantee wisdom. Sometimes it makes us more patient. Sometimes it makes us more cautious. Sometimes it also makes us too certain of what we already believe.
Children are still learning about the world. That is obvious. What is less obvious is how much adults can learn while watching them do it.
Perhaps we do not always need to teach children another lesson. Sometimes we need to listen to the lesson they are already giving us.
(STRAIGHT TALK COMMUNICATIONS EXCLUSIVE)
