SUNDAY BYTES: Declining Moral Conduct of Boys — A Worrisome Challenge for Society
Justice After a Crime Is Necessary. Prevention Before a Crime Is Even More Important.
Dr. Fiaz Maqbool Fazili
Recent tragic incidents have shaken the conscience of society and compelled us to confront an uncomfortable question: Are we paying enough attention to the moral upbringing of our boys? The gruesome murder of a pre-teen girl in Budgam, reportedly while she was on her way to learn the Holy Quran, has sparked grief, outrage, and soul-searching across Kashmir. As society mourns yet another innocent victim, many voices are asking whether our response should go beyond condemnation and punishment to examine the deeper causes that produce such offenders.
For decades, discussions about morality have disproportionately focused on girls. We have advised daughters on how to dress, where to go, how to behave, whom to speak to, and how to protect themselves. Yet comparatively little attention has been devoted to raising boys who respect boundaries, honour women, exercise self-control, and understand accountability.
The tragedy before us is not merely about one crime. It is about the values we transmit—or fail to transmit—to the next generation.
A prominent women’s rights advocate, counsellor, my sister Mrs . Samina Masoodi, administrator of one of Kashmir’s largest women’s social media groups, “Yakjut, co -producer, “songs of Paradise, “expressed a painful reality on my face book post themed,”where society is going” time to shift attention towards upbringing of boys that resonated with countless women: “Ask your sister, your wife, your mother, and other women in your family, and they will tell you how many of them have experienced unwanted touching, harassment, intimidation, or inappropriate behaviour from the time they became aware of their surroundings. Whether in schools, tuition centres, universities, public transport, workplaces, or even neighbourhoods, many women have lived with fear that often remains invisible and unspoken.” Her observation challenges society to move beyond selective outrage. Every time a horrific incident occurs, public anger erupts briefly before fading away. Yet the everyday experiences of harassment and indignity endured by women rarely generate the same urgency.
The uncomfortable question is this: What have we done to make some boys believe that disrespecting a girl carries no consequences? How did we arrive at a point where unsolicited messages, harassment, stalking, verbal abuse, and intimidation have become so common that many women regard them as unfortunate facts of life? These questions cannot be answered solely through law enforcement. They require introspection by families, schools, religious institutions, and society as a whole.
Several years ago, Kashmir witnessed another heartbreaking tragedy when a young girl, RomXX jaxxx (name obscured)whom I described as a “Princess of Haya,” in my wake up columns lost her life on a busiest street and educational hub,Parray pora after being struck by a speeding vehicle allegedly driven by reckless boys . Reports suggested that the victim had refused to share her contact number. Whether one focuses on the legal details or the broader social implications, the incident highlighted something disturbing: a growing sense of entitlement among some boys/ young men and a weakening of the values of restraint, dignity, and respect.These are not isolated events. They are warning signs.
A son’s first classroom is his home. Long before schools teach mathematics or science, children learn how to treat others by observing their parents. A boy learns how women should be treated by watching how his father speaks to his mother. He learns equality when he sees his sister treated with the same dignity, affection, and opportunities that he receives. He learns accountability when misconduct is corrected rather than excused because of wealth, influence, or family status.
Respect is not learned through lectures alone. It is learned through example.
Social activist Mrs.Shajarat U Durr, a digital creator offered another perspective on this issue, emphasizing the unique role mothers play in shaping the moral compass of their sons. According to her, mothers understand firsthand the challenges women face throughout life. They know what women expect from classmates, neighbours, brothers, fathers, husbands, and strangers. This lived experience gives mothers a unique opportunity to prepare their sons to become respectful and responsible men. She questions a familiar statement often heard after marriage disputes: “My son was never like this before.”If a few months of married life can supposedly change a man completely, what does that say about the depth and effectiveness of twenty-five years of upbringing? Her point is not to blame mothers alone. Parenting is a shared responsibility. However, it reminds us that values cannot be assumed; they must be deliberately taught, reinforced, and practised.
The upbringing of boys and girls must proceed side by side. If girls are expected to be modest, disciplined, and responsible, boys must be expected to demonstrate self-restraint, humility, and respect. Our faith itself places moral obligations on both genders. Lowering one’s gaze, controlling one’s desires, avoiding exploitation, and treating others with dignity are responsibilities that apply to men as much as to women. Unfortunately, modern society often sends contradictory messages. On one hand, parents expect boys to become responsible husbands and fathers. On the other hand, many continue to excuse indiscipline, aggression, entitlement, and irresponsibility during childhood and adolescence.
Some families still raise boys as if household responsibilities belong exclusively to women. Yet the example of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) demonstrates otherwise. Authentic traditions describe him assisting with household work and serving his family with humility. If the noblest of men helped in domestic tasks, what justification exists for raising sons who consider such responsibilities beneath them? Teaching boys to share household duties does more than ease domestic burdens. It cultivates empathy, cooperation, humility, and respect. It helps boys appreciate the labour, sacrifices, and dignity of women.
Schools, too, must play a greater role. Education is not merely the transfer of information. It is the cultivation of character. A student who excels academically but lacks integrity, compassion, and self-control cannot be considered fully educated. Character, moral education should be integrated into the curriculum through discussions on ethics, digital responsibility, gender respect, civic conduct, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence. Sports, community service, and mentorship programmes can further reinforce positive values.
Religious institutions also have an important responsibility. Sermons and educational programmes should address not only ritual obligations but also practical moral conduct—respecting women, controlling anger, speaking truthfully, avoiding exploitation, and honouring the rights of others.
Technology presents additional challenges. Today’s boys are growing up in a world shaped by social media, instant gratification, and unrestricted online content. Without guidance, many become vulnerable to distorted ideas about masculinity, relationships, and power. Parents must remain engaged in their children’s digital lives, not merely by imposing restrictions but by fostering open communication and critical thinking.The solution is neither fear nor excessive control. It is engagement, mentorship, and moral guidance.
Justice after a crime is necessary. Prevention before a crime is even more important. If we genuinely wish to honour the memory of victims and create a safer society, our efforts must begin long before courts become involved. They must begin in our homes, classrooms, neighbourhoods, and places of worship.
While society has traditionally scrutinized the dress, modesty, and behaviour of girls, recent events suggest that our priorities may need reassessment. The pressing challenge before us is not merely how we guide our daughters, but how effectively we are raising our sons to become men of integrity, respect, and responsibility.”
Collective Reflections and Inference: The responses to my article on the subject reveal a shared concern about the erosion of empathy, accountability, and moral values in society. Er. Manzoor Wanchoo sahib ,an active social media member highlighted a painful irony: families that cherish their own daughters often mistreat their daughters-in-law, exposing injustice within the very institution meant to nurture compassion. Dr. Umar bin Ashraf , Psychologist and Mental health Advocate emphasised that predators exploit society’s short memory. Public outrage fades quickly, and without sustained reform, the cycle of violence continues. Sajad pumposh , a reformist youn man expressed ,”This is a heartbreaking reality that we need to come together to change, our children are our future and they deserve to live in a safe world. If this crime gets unpunished , then many such incidents will become a norm for our Valley.” Saquib Ahmad , a social media influencer, described the article as a mirror to society’s conscience, exposing collective silence and indifference toward violence against women. He stressed that apologies are meaningless without introspection, accountability, and systemic change.
The Common Message:
Together, these voices point to a deeper crisis—not merely of crime, but of conscience. They argue that society has become prone to selective outrage, quick to mourn yet slow to reform. True change requires more than condemnation after tragedy; it demands moral upbringing, respect for women, empathy for the suffering of others, and a sustained commitment to prevention.
The real measure of a society is not how loudly it reacts to a crime, but how effectively it prevents such crimes from occurring in the first place.
We must raise boys who understand that every woman deserves respect regardless of her appearance, clothing, social status, or background. We must raise boys who know that strength lies not in domination but in self-control; not in entitlement but in responsibility; not in power over others but in service to others.The future safety of our daughters depends largely on the values we instil in our sons.The question before society is therefore not merely how to punish predators after crimes occur. The more important question is how to prevent boys from becoming predators in the first place.
The answer lies in character formation, moral education, parental responsibility, community engagement, and a collective commitment to raising a generation of men who embody dignity, respect, compassion, and accountability. Only then can we hope to build a society where women live without fear, where families flourish in mutual respect, and where moral conduct once again becomes the foundation of community life.
(STRAIGHT TALK COMMUNICATIONS EXCLUSIVE. The author is a columnist who writes on civilized society, ethical values, healthcare, and social reforms, and regularly raises awareness on issues concerning moral responsibility, civic consciousness, and community welfare.)
