DATELINE: When Parents’ Property Becomes a Target – A Disturbing Change in Kashmir

Changing Family Values, Declining Upbringing and a Generation Drifting Away from Tradition

Ahmad Ayaz

There was a time in Kashmir when an ageing parent was regarded as a blessing, not a burden; when the presence of grandparents in a household was considered a source of wisdom, prayers and emotional security; and when caring for parents in their old age was seen as a moral duty rather than an obligation to be fulfilled only when there was something to gain.

That social fabric appears to be under strain.

A disturbing trend is increasingly being noticed in which the property of elderly parents becomes a point of interest for their own children while the parents are still alive. In some cases, elderly parents are reportedly persuaded to transfer houses, land or other assets to their children. In more troubling situations, allegations emerge of deception, manipulation, undue pressure or exploitation of an elderly person’s age, illness, dependence or trust.

These cases should not be viewed merely as family disputes over property.

They represent something much deeper: a worrying erosion of trust between parents and children and a gradual weakening of the values that once held Kashmiri families together.

When Inheritance Becomes an Obsession

One of the most important facts that needs to be understood is that a parent’s property does not become the property of the children simply because they are sons or daughters.

During the parent’s lifetime, the parent remains the owner of his or her property, subject to applicable law and the nature of the property. The legal right of inheritance generally arises after the death of the owner.

Yet, in some families, the expectation of inheritance appears to have begun influencing relationships long before inheritance actually arises.

A child may start viewing a parent’s house, land or savings as something that will eventually belong to them and, consequently, begin demanding control over it.

This mindset is dangerous.

Parents should never be made to feel that they are merely temporary custodians of assets that their children have already mentally divided among themselves.

A son or daughter may ultimately have a legitimate inheritance right, but that does not give them a moral licence to interfere with the parent’s property, independence or decisions during the parent’s lifetime.

A Parent Transfers Property—A Child Receives Trust

Perhaps the most painful cases are those in which parents themselves voluntarily transfer their property to a child.

Often, such decisions are made out of love.

An elderly father may transfer a house or parcel of land to his son because he believes the son will take care of him. A mother may place her confidence in a daughter because she believes that she will remain by her side in old age.

The parent is not merely transferring an asset.

The parent is transferring confidence.

The expectation is simple: I have spent my life looking after you; now you will look after me.

What happens when that expectation is betrayed?

If the child obtains the property and subsequently distances themselves from the parent, refuses to provide care or begins treating the parent as a burden, the injury goes far beyond the financial.

The parent may lose property, but what hurts more is the realisation that the person they trusted most valued the asset more than the relationship.

No property transaction can measure the emotional cost of such betrayal.

When Age and Vulnerability Become an Opportunity

The situation becomes particularly alarming when the vulnerability of an elderly parent is deliberately exploited.

Old age may bring physical weakness, illness, dependence on others and, in some cases, difficulty in understanding complicated legal or financial documents.

This vulnerability must never become an opportunity for exploitation.

There can be situations in which documents are presented to elderly parents without their contents being properly explained. A signature or thumb impression may be obtained on the pretext of completing a routine formality. Promises of lifelong care may be made to secure consent for a transfer.

If consent is obtained through fraud, coercion, deception or undue influence, the matter cannot simply be dismissed as a private family disagreement. Depending on the facts and applicable law, such circumstances may have serious legal consequences and may provide grounds for appropriate remedies.

This is why elderly property owners must exercise particular caution.

They should read and understand documents before signing them, seek independent advice where necessary and avoid allowing a potential beneficiary to be the only person explaining the legal consequences of a transaction.

Trust within a family is essential.

But when the property involved represents a person’s lifetime of savings, trust should be accompanied by transparency and legal safeguards.

Parents Are Not ATMs and Property Is Not a Reward

There is a disturbing mindset that sometimes emerges when family relationships become overly materialistic: parents are valued according to what they can provide.

A successful parent may be treated with great respect while they remain financially useful. But when age, illness or retirement reduces their financial capacity, their importance may suddenly decline.

This should concern every family.

Parents are not financial institutions. Their love should not be measured by the property they possess, and their children should not measure their responsibility according to what they expect to inherit.

A house can be sold.

Land can be divided.

Money can be spent.

But the years a parent spends in loneliness or neglect cannot be returned.

Where Did Our Upbringing Go?

The deeper question is: how did we reach this point?

The answer cannot simply be blamed on property prices or changing economic conditions.

It also lies in the changing nature of upbringing.

Kashmiri children were traditionally taught that parents deserved respect, that elders should be treated with dignity and that family responsibilities did not end when children became adults.

Grandparents were not strangers living in the same house. They were part of the emotional and cultural education of the family.

Children listened to their stories, sought their blessings and learned from their experiences.

Today, the priorities of many households have changed.

Academic performance, competitive careers, financial success and personal advancement understandably occupy much of a child’s upbringing. But alongside these priorities, lessons of gratitude, sacrifice, patience, service and responsibility sometimes receive far less attention.

Education can produce a highly qualified individual.

Only values can produce a responsible human being.

Children Learn What They See

Parents often tell their children to respect elders.

But children do not learn values merely from instructions. They learn by observation.

If a child watches one parent disrespect grandparents, ignore their needs or quarrel with them over property, the child may gradually absorb the message that relationships are negotiable and material interests come first.

The values demonstrated inside the home become the values carried into adulthood.

Therefore, the responsibility for rebuilding respect for elders cannot be placed entirely on the younger generation.

It begins with parents themselves.

If we want our children to care for us tomorrow, we must teach them today—not merely through words, but through our own conduct.

Modernity Should Not Mean Forgetting Our Roots

There is nothing wrong with modern education, technology, social media or global exposure.

Kashmir’s young people should aspire to succeed nationally and internationally. They should pursue ambitious careers, embrace technology and participate fully in the modern economy.

But modernity should not require cultural amnesia.

A young person can be technologically sophisticated and still respect grandparents.

A successful professional can still make time for an ageing parent.

A person living abroad can still remain emotionally connected to their family.

The problem is not modernisation.

The problem is losing the moral compass while embracing modernity.

Kashmiri culture is not simply about traditional dress, food, language or customs. Its deeper identity lies in hospitality, compassion, respect for elders, care for parents and preservation of family bonds.

If these values disappear, preserving the external symbols of culture will not be enough.

Law Can Protect the Elderly—But Society Must Protect Them First

India has legal provisions aimed at protecting the welfare and maintenance of parents and senior citizens. In appropriate circumstances, elderly parents may have legal remedies when property has been transferred subject to expectations or conditions of their care and maintenance.

Such legal protections are important.

But there is something deeply painful about a mother or father having to seek legal protection against their own child.

The law must remain available to protect vulnerable people. But courts and tribunals should ideally be the last resort.

The first line of protection should be the family itself.

Siblings, relatives and community elders should intervene before disputes become irreparable. A timely conversation may sometimes prevent years of litigation.

Silence Can Also Become a Form of Injustice

Another worrying aspect is the silence of relatives.

In many families, everyone knows that an elderly parent is being mistreated, but nobody wants to become involved.

Some fear damaging family relations.

Others simply say, “It is their internal matter.”

But when an elderly person is vulnerable and unable to protect their own interests, silence can allow exploitation to continue.

Family members, respected elders, religious scholars, community leaders and social organisations can all play a constructive role.

The objective should not be to publicly shame families but to prevent abuse, encourage reconciliation and protect the dignity of elderly parents.

Parents Also Need to Protect Their Future

While society must protect elderly parents, parents themselves should also exercise prudence.

Many parents make major property decisions emotionally. They may transfer everything to one child because of affection, promises of care or pressure from other family members.

Such decisions deserve careful consideration.

Before transferring substantial assets, parents should understand the legal consequences, assess their future financial needs and ensure that they retain adequate resources for healthcare, housing and everyday expenses.

Where appropriate, independent legal advice should be obtained before signing important documents.

A parent should never be left financially helpless merely because they trusted their child.

Love should remain unconditional.

Property decisions, however, should be informed and carefully considered.

The Family Must Come Before the Property

There is an important distinction between legitimate inheritance and greed.

Children may have lawful rights after the death of a parent. But those rights should never become an obsession while the parent is alive.

A family that fights over property while its elderly members are still alive has already lost something more valuable than land or money.

The tragedy is that property disputes often divide siblings who grew up together, create permanent hostility and destroy relationships that took decades to build.

By the time the property is divided, the family itself may already be broken.

No inheritance is worth that price.

What Are We Teaching the Next Generation?

The issue ultimately forces us to ask what kind of society we want to leave behind.

We can educate our children at the best institutions.

We can help them build successful careers.

We can send them abroad and give them every material advantage.

But if we fail to teach them gratitude towards their parents, compassion towards the elderly and responsibility towards family, then our definition of success is incomplete.

We need young people who are ambitious without being selfish, independent without being indifferent, modern without being rootless and successful without forgetting those who sacrificed for them.

The real measure of a child’s success should not be the value of the property inherited from parents.

It should be the peace and dignity that parents experience in their child’s presence.

A Question Every Son and Daughter Must Answer

Every generation eventually becomes old.

The child who today believes that an ageing parent is an inconvenience may one day find themselves in exactly the same position.

The house they occupy today may belong to their parents.

The land they expect to inherit may still be their parents’ property.

The wealth they regard as their future inheritance may represent decades of sacrifice by the very people they are neglecting.

One day, they too may need patience, care and companionship.

And then the question will return:

Did I teach my children to value me—or did I teach them to value what I owned?

That is why this is not merely a question about elderly parents.

It is a question about the future of every family.

Conclusion: Property Can Be Recovered, Lost Time Cannot

Kashmir’s real cultural wealth has never been limited to its mountains, lakes and valleys. It has always been reflected in the warmth of its homes, the strength of family relationships, the respect shown to elders and the care given to parents.

If elderly mothers and fathers begin to feel insecure in their own homes; if they fear that their children may exploit their vulnerability for property; if they are forced to seek legal protection against those they raised with love; and if caring for parents is increasingly viewed as a burden rather than a responsibility, then we must stop and ask ourselves where we are heading.

A parent’s property is not a prize.

It is often the product of a lifetime of labour, sacrifice and savings—and, in old age, it may be their only source of security.

Even when a parent willingly transfers property to a child, that transfer should never be interpreted as permission to abandon the parent.

The greatest inheritance a child can receive is not land or a house.

It is the blessing of parents who feel loved, respected and secure.

We must therefore teach our children a simple but profound lesson: parents are to be cared for because they are parents—not because they own property.

And every son and daughter should ask themselves honestly:

If my parents had nothing to give me, would I still love them, respect them and care for them in exactly the same way?

If the answer is yes, then our upbringing has not failed.

That is the real strength of Kashmiri culture.

That is the real meaning of family.

And that is the kind of society we must preserve.

Property can sometimes be recovered. Money can sometimes be replaced. But a parent’s lost years, wounded dignity and broken trust can never truly be restored.

(STRAIGHT TALK COMMUNICATIONS EXCLUSIVE. The author is a Columnist. He can be reached at ahmadayaz08@gmail.com)